After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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