and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
