Screwed.edu
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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