Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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