He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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