Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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