My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
