you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
