When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
