If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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