Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
