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remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
