I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
