Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
