He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
