just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize