You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
