youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
