my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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