please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
