But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize