Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
