remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
