Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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