new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
