Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
