his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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