If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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