Can Purell be used as lube?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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