We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize