Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
