i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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