Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
