There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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