and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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