i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
