I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
