I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
