i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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