At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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