did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize