I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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