dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
