How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
