I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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