my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
