Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
