u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize