the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
