isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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