When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
