Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
