very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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