Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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