we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
