my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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