The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
