I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
