I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
