I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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