Dual....:-)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
