i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
