i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
