And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
