After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
