I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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