I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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