he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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