I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize