Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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