So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
