Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
