She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize