I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
