you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
