i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
