i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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