So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish I only lived at night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
