seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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