i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hippo gnu deer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
