He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who died my cat blue again?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
