All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
