I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
