her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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