Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
