There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
