Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize