I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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