Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
