so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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