You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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