kristin has been a bad kristin
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Bring me that man meat
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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