the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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