I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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