we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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