I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
