Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
