is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
