Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize