Have you finally orgasmed yet?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
