Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize