it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
