Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
